Put the B back in LGBT
By Chrysanthe Tan, Communications Intern, July 7, 4:45 pm
The first time I heard the “b” word was in ninth grade, when one of my precocious classmates declared, “bisexuality is so in fashion right now.”
The second run-in I had with the word was a year later, when my friends from summer camp gossiped about a girl we knew who claimed to live a double life: she was a good girl by day but a rebellious bisexual punk by night.
In high school, I was a straight-A student, musician and dancer. I attended church and seldom went to parties. I rarely did anything rebellious and I almost never got in trouble with authority figures. That all changed when I was caught kissing a girl one day; I was almost kicked out of the music program I was attending, even though I was the concertmaster and had openly kissed a boy previously. I instantly felt guilty and spent the next several months trying to convince myself that my “fluid” behavior was just a teenage phase. I knew I was attracted to both boys and girls, but I could not recall a single positive bisexual role model. I resented the notion that I might be just another experimental girl kissing other girls for attention. I knew this did not apply to me, but I felt that if I called myself bisexual, I would be admitting such a motivation and that others would look down upon me.
By the end of high school, I was finally able to admit that I was bisexual. I knew that I faced potential rejection from friends, church and adults that I cared about, but nevertheless, I decided that it was time for me to be honest and somewhat out.
I started to become involved in an LGBT community for the first time and I started to hang out with LGBT friends both at school and at home. I never anticipated that I would feel pressured to enter an entirely new closet. I began to pick up on comments from my lesbian and gay friends, such as “I would never date a bisexual,” and “why can’t they pick one already?” I frequently heard bisexual people I knew being referred to as either “straight” or “gay/lesbian,” depending on who they were dating. It was easier for me to remain silent — in other words, let everyone believe I was a lesbian — rather than disrupt assumptions and expectations by coming out as bisexual and facing discrimination for not being gay enough.
That there is discrimination within the LGBT community is not good, to say the least — I have frequently heard transphobia in addition to biphobia, but that is a whole other topic to be explored. I am constantly surprised by the misinformation and myths perpetuated by people due to lack of understanding.
At the Task Force this summer, I am creating a Bisexuality Resource Kit for LGBT community centers. My goal is to help centers become more bi-friendly and bi-inclusive by providing them with information, myths and statistics on bisexuality, programming ideas, resources for community members, recommended bi-related reading, viewing and Web sites and tips on how to be bi-inclusive. I cannot begin to describe how fulfilling it is to be working on this project; I feel like I have come full circle. Carrying it out at the Task Force has been especially exciting and rewarding. I have been put in contact with respected — and helpful — authors and activists. I have been given the freedom to refine and work on my project at my own pace. And, I have the expert guidance of Roberta (Roberta Sklar, my supervisor and the communications director), who gives invaluable advice, affirms my opinions and ideas and encourages my research on bisexuality.
It is important to treat the issue of bisexuality as an issue of significance, because so many people disregard it. Some people ask me why I am so specific about maintaining the bisexual label, especially when dating people, as if my being open about my attraction to other genders would make me less faithful — it doesn’t. I think it is essential to insist on the label, because otherwise, it would disappear. It is easy to slip into binaries, whether with sexuality, gender or race — as I can attest to as a biracial as well. As it stands now, there is not enough bi visibility, which causes people, bisexuals included, to wonder if multiple-gender-loving people really exist. This lack of knowledge and visibility causes people to be suspicious, fueling biphobia. Statistics show that bisexuals have more mental health problems than people of any other orientation, partially due to the fact that biphobia prevents them from finding community.
I am being wordy, but what I mean to say is this: along with the implications of bi visibility — or invisibility — it is worth it for me to fight for my bisexual identification simply because it is part of my identity that I don’t want to repress. As LGBT members of society, we fight for the freedom to love and exist, so it makes sense that we too should be affirming of a broad range of sexual and gender expression — this includes not only bisexuals, but also our transgender friends and straight allies as well! I hate to pull in trite quotes, but Aesop and Patrick Henry were right: “united we stand, divided we fall.”
Chrysanthe Tan is a Task Force Communications intern with the Stanford Huffington Pride Fellowship, based in New York, N.Y.
Want to share your thoughts about Chrysanthe Tan's blog entry?
Send your comments to OutSpoken@theTaskForce.org.
Please let us know how your name should appear and, optionally, your city and state. Comments may be posted on our Web site and used in other Task Force materials.
Tuesday, 7/08/2008, 11:44 AM (EST)
Go Chrysanthe Tan! I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have someone at NGLTF working to put the B back in LGBT. Thank you....
Jan Steckel
Tuesday, 7/08/2008, 5:18 PM (EST)
Beautifully written, Chrysanthe. As a straight ally to the LGBT community, I have often wondered why some in a community that cries out for acceptance and the ability to love whomever they choose would isolate those who love both men and women, or simply just the opposite sex.
I am straight, and some point out to me that it's not the same as being gay or lesbian because the issues don't affect me in the same way. This is true, but it doesn't mean that I care less. I feel as much a part of the community as any gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender person – and I think the many members of PFLAG would agree. To me, being a part of the community is more about the mutual beliefs, not just about who you are attracted to. And yet, I still hear the question "Do straight people even have a place in the LGBT movement?" The answer is yes.
In the same way that straight people should be more accepting of the LGBT community, the LGBT community should be the last group of people that ever criticizes or ostracizes someone for their sexual or gender expression.
I commend your efforts to make bisexuality a more visible part of the community, and I feel the same about transgender activists. It's LGBT, not LG, for a reason, and until the whole community accepts that (and their allies), we won't get as far as we could.
Jessica Carreras
Wednesday, 7/09/2008, 6:57 AM (EST)
Thank you so much for this work. As a bi my own sense of identity has been so sketchy. I felt "on the fence" and false rather than who I am. Bi. When I came to terms with that it was the most freeing thing I could imagine. It is a whole different closet to be in. The last time I was single I just told my boys, hey who knows who I may end up with this time. Being single and bi is not easy. It does not open up "more possibilities" largely due to the stigma of the perception that you don't know who you are. Kudos to you for keeping that bi lable alive and well. As I am.
Jill
Michigan
Wednesday, 7/09/2008, 7:02 AM (EST)
Hi there,
This message is for Chrysanthe Tan. My name is Amanda Harris, and I really enjoyed reading your blog post, "Put the B back in LGBT." These types of conversations are so important to have in our community, and I have rarely seen a bisexual resource produced on its own, and not as some mini chapter in a toolkit. So thanks for that :)
In addition, I am looking forward to seeing how you will address Queer identity in your resource kit, as something identified with rather than bisexuality.
Have fun during your time at the Task Force. I will be working with them in the fall on family policy conference, and I can't wait.
In solidarity,
Amanda
Wednesday, 7/09/2008, 12:28 PM (EST)
BRAVO to Chrysanthe for the work she is doing to increase visibility, programming, and respect for bisexual people. I have come out three times in my 45 years: first in my teens as lesbian, 20+ years later as a transman, and, a few years after that, as a bisexual man. (Technically, I use the term "queer" as "bisexual" is far too limiting in my world). I have to say that this third outing has been infinitely more complicated and difficult on a personal level (yes, even more difficult than being transsexual in some aspects), mostly due to my own internal "MSMphobia" and living more than two decades as a lesbian separatist.
I welcome ideas and input, both as a professional LGBT advocate and as a community member in need, for healthy, balanced, and engaging bisexual programming. I, for one, will be waiting with baited breath for the completion of Chrysanthe's project-it is critical to every LGBT center's work, but rarely given adequate attention or priority. There is still much work to be done to achieve "unity in community"-and this is one giant step forward. As always, the Task Force is leading the charge.
C. Michael Woodward
Health & Wellness Programs Manager
Wingspan LGBT Community Center
Tucson, AZ
Wednesday, 7/09/2008, 2:22 PM (EST)
This article literally brought tears to my eyes. It has been both confusing and difficult to come to the realization that I am bisexual - especially in my 40's. It was comforting to see that I am not alone - Ms. Tan is right on when she speaks about the general perception of bisexuals. I agree that rejection is felt with both gays and straights, and that this is an orientation that needs just as much exposure, support, and acceptance as the others. I, too, have been asked, "So which is it, men or women?" Kudos to Chrysanthe for taking on this project. I'm sure many of us are already feeling better about ourselves today.
CM in the Metro Boston area.
Wednesday, 7/09/2008, 5:59 PM (EST)
I am heartened both by Ms Tan's eloquent discourse and the work she is undertaking via the Task Force to bring bi issues to the fore. As a bi man, I know too well the double closet of which she speaks and the feeling of not being welcome at the table. However, we are a part of the movement and the bisexual label is important, not only as Ms Tan affirms because it is disregarded, but also because it represents a world view outside the dualities we are used to. Speaking about, to and with bisexuals means pushing past another set of comfort zones, but with the B back in LGBT, the community can only be stronger. Kudos to both Ms Tan and the Task Force for undertaking this work.
Peter Ruggiero
Thursday, 7/10/2008, 12:37 AM (EST)
Very well said, Chrysanthe - thank you! One point regarding this comment in your blog: "Some people ask me why I am so specific about maintaining the bisexual label, especially when dating people, as if my being open about my attraction to other genders would make me less faithful — it doesn’t."
I certainly respect that you identify as both bisexual and "faithful," and I assume by "faithful" you mean "monogamous." But for some of us, our attraction to both genders does mean we are not monogamous, since we value expressing our sexuality through relationships with various people, sometimes serially, sometimes concurrently. I'm sure you didn't mean to criticize those who are bi and non-monogamous, so I just wanted to make this point. Again, thanks for all you are doing for greater visibility and acceptance for bisexuals!
Donn
Tucson, Arizona
Sunday, 7/13/2008, 4:08 PM (EST)
I realized the bisexual label applied to me during my sophomore year of high school. I was about to out myself to my best friend when I remembered she believed that all gays went to hell. I shut my mouth then, and when she asked what I wanted to share I mentioned something about school. Despite living in a liberal state, I've witness countless acts of discrimination in class, at work, and within the community. Because I was terrified of losing my family's respect and the social safety of the straight label, and since I do intend to marry one day, I decided long ago I would protect myself from discrimination by remaining in the closet. I hope your work is successful and bisexuals are better embraced by the queer community, but until that opening is certain I will remain in the closet.
A Person
Mountain View, California
